this bitch doesn’t even have all her adult teeth
this bitch doesn’t even have all her adult teeth
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No one ever said babies weren’t cute.
Seal, Fawn, Owl, Pigglet, Fox-pup, Sloth, Polar bear cub, Bunny and dolphin. (young babies)
DIY FACE/LIP SCRUB: combine honey and sugar
-Spray perfume on your hairbrush to leave a slight scent in your hair.
-Use a damp cloth to get off deodorant residue.
Add drops of tea tree oil to shampoo and conditioner (you could buy tea tree shampoo and conditioner at places like walmart, target, and hair salons. Paul Mitchell has a good tea tree shampoo and conditioner.) use baking soda on your roots in the shower and rinse, or leave apple cider vinegar on your roots for a few minutes in the shower and rinse.
Want whiter teeth?
Brush with baking soda and lemon/lime. Rub a banana peel on your teeth.
Have a zit/acne problems?
Crush up aspirin and mix with a little bit of water to make a paste. leave on over night. You can also try leaving a dab of toothpaste, benzyl peroxide, or salicylic acid on overnight. Tea tree oil, apple cider vinegar, cinnamon, and coconut all help with acne. Lemon juice helps lighten acne scars/ dark pigment.
Want to save money?
Purchase baby wipes instead of makeup remover wipes. They usually have the same exact ingredients, cost less, and wont irritate your eyes! Use witch hazel as an inexpensive facial toner.
Want Shiny Hair?
Use a hair gloss once a week to keep your hair dye looking shiny and new!
WANT LONGER HAIR?
Never brush your hair when it’s wet. It’s harder to brush because it gets tangled easier and can give you more split ends.
Take multivitamins (these will make your skin look great, plus your hair and nails grow a lot faster!)
Don’t wash your hair everyday (the natural oils in your hair help it grow! try washing it every other day and use dry shampoo if it tends to get oily fast) and use heat styling products as little as possible.
Put drops of lemon/lime in your shampoo or rub a dryer sheet all over your hair for a last minute fix.
-Dry nails faster by letting them sit for 2 minutes after you’ve painted them and then putting them in ice water. They’ll dry instantly!
-Get off polish easier. soak cotton with nail polish remover and wrap on your fingers with aluminum foil for five minutes. The polish will come off with one swipe. (acetone remover works best for this method.)
Want To Cover Your Tattoo?
-Use a red lipstick covering the black outlines.
-Pat on a light concealer, using a setting powder.
-Pat on your skin tone concealer, and clean up any mistakes using baby wipes to remove excess concealer.
-Use a fluffy brush and smooth it out with foundation powder.
I thought lemon juice was bad for your teeth. Idunno!
WAIT. STOP. THE TEETH THING!!
IF YOU BRUSH YOUR TEETH WITH LEMON/LIME OR A FRUIT RIND, MAKE SURE YOU ALSO BRUSH YOUR TEETH REGULARLY AFTERWARD.
CITRIS LIKE LEMON IS HIGH ACIDIC AND WILL WEAR DOWN YOUR ENAMEL IF LEFT FOR HOURS ON YOUR TEETH EVERY NIGHT.
Damn son our uterus stretches like 5x the size and then contracts and pushes a 7 pound baby out of a small tube into life if you think that isn’t metal as fuck get out of my face
YOUR ORGANS THOUGH IM SO SORRY LADIES
damn selfish babies taking up all the space
NAW MAN, LET ME FUCKING TELL YOU ABOUT PREGNANCY AND BABIES, ALRIGHT?
FIRST OF ALL, IT SUCKS DICK. FIRST OFF LET ME GIVE YOU A MOTHERFUCKING RUNDOWN ON WHAT YOU SHOULDN’T EAT OR DRINK WHEN YOU’RE PREGNANT.
- NO UNCOOKED ANYTHING IN FUCKING GENERAL ACTUALLY. AND ESPECIALLY NOT FISH.
- ANYTHING WITH CAFFEINE IN IT, WHICH INCLUDES COFFEE, SODA, CHOCOLATE (THAT’S RIGHT, NO CHOCOLATE), SEVERAL TYPES OF COOKIES AND CANDIES, AND ENERGY DRINKS.
- VEGETABLES AND MEATS THAT ARE RICH IN NITRATES LIKE HOTDOGS, SAUSAGE, LETTUCE, SPINACH AND CELERY.
SO BASICALLY IF YOU’RE USED TO EATING OR DRINKING ANY OF THOSE THINGS YOU BETTER BE PREPARED TO QUIT COLD TURKEY THE SECOND YOU GET PREGNANT.
NOW I’M NOT EVEN DONE. YOU SEE THAT PINK UPSIDE-DOWN TRIANGLE BELOW THE BABY’S HEAD? YEAH? THAT’S YOUR BLADDER. BABIES SQUEEZE DOWN ON THAT LIKE THERE’S NO TOMORROW AND ONCE YOU HIT THE THIRD TRIMESTER, YOU BASICALLY HAVE AN ELDERLY PERSON’S BLADDER. MY MOTHER TELLS ME SHE HAD TO GO TO THE BATHROOM AT LEAST 6 TIMES A DAY JUST SO SHE WOULDN’T WET HERSELF. ALSO WITH A BABY SQUEEZING’ UP AGAINST YOUR FUCKING INTESTINES LIKE THAT SAY HELLO TO CONSTIPATION NATION, EVERYONE.
SO NOT ONLY DO YOU HAVE THE BLADDER AND BOWELS OF AN OLD PERSON, BUT THAT GROWING HUMAN BEING GROWING OUT OF YOUR GULLET ALSO PUTS A HUUUUGE STRAIN ON YOUR BACK. NOT TO MENTION IT’S A PAIN IN THE FUCKING ASS TO MOVE ANYWHERE, SINCE YOU NEED TO START WALKING LIKE SOMEONE OUT OF A MONTY PYTHON SKIT JUST TO GET AROUND EFFICIENTLY. ALSO THAT ADDED WEIGHT MAKES YOUR FEET ACHE SOMETHING AWFUL. SO WHAT CAN YOU DO?
WELL GUESS WHAT. YOU CAN’T TAKE ASPRIN. ABSOLUTELY NO ASPRIN. NO IBUPROFEN, NO NAPROXEN NO NOTHING.
SO NOT ONLY ARE YOU IN PROBABLY THE MOST UNCOMFORTABLE YOU WILL EVER BE, BUT YOUR MEDICINE CHOICES ARE EXTREMELY FUCKING LIMITED. (AND NO, I MENTIONED NO CHOCOLATE EITHER.)
DO YOU GUYS NOT REALIZE THAT THE FATE OF SOCIETY AND THE HUMAN RACE IN GENERAL IS BASED ON THE FACT THAT WOMEN MOSTLY CHOOSE TO GET PREGNANT? FOR LITTLE TO NO REWARD?! THE UNITED STATES ONLY GIVES 12 UNPAID WEEKS OF MATERNITY LEAVE ON AVERAGE.
YOU WOULD THINK THAT THE FUCKING PROCESS BY WHICH OUR POPULATION CONTINUES TO GROW WOULD BE FUCKING REWARDED AND CELEBRATED, NOT SWEPT UNDER THE FUCKING RUG LIKE A PIECE OF FUCKING DUST.
Greatest rant ever.